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This past year, on August 8th, I went to the doctor because I had been passing some blood. Because of the amount, he decided to send me to the hospital immediately, to have a few tests run. They admitted me into the hospital, and inserted a catheter into my bladder. The next day, the surgeon did a procedure, because the CAT scan had shown a possible tumor that was in my bladder. From the procedure, it was determined that I had an enlarged prostate, and that it had caused a few small blood vessels to rupture. They had just seen some small blood clots. The doctor determined that the situation could be treated with medicine, and the next day they would take out the catheter, and I could go home, once I was able to urinate on my own. The next day, I drank gallons of water, and tried to go to the washroom, but with no success. As a matter of fact, every time I got out of bed I got light-headed, nauseous, had trouble breathing, and had to get back into bed as soon as I could. I also had a bad case of indigestion, throughout the day. By that evening, they had reinserted the catheter, and were so concerned about what was going on, that the doctor had me moved to a cardiac monitoring floor. The following morning, our primary care physician brought in a specialist in pulmonology and cardiology. He ordered x-rays and another CAT scan. It turned out, that during the minor surgical procedure, some blood clots had moved through my heart and into my lungs. I now had a number of pulmonary embolisms in my lungs. They immediately moved me to Intensive Care, and put me on blood thinners. I had a filter installed, into the venacava, to block any other blood clots from movingfrom the lower extremities into the heart. This venacava filter is about the width of five paper clips. It was installed in the main vein, from the groin area, and is worked up to a location, in that vein, just below the rib cage. It is at this point, that it is opened like an umbrella, and it locks into the vein, and here it prevents the blood clots from moving through. That was on Saturday morning, and that weekend I almost died from pulmonary embolisms. The doctors increased the blood thinners way beyond their normal range, trying to get the situation under control, and I survived. Through this whole experience, I consistently knew that God was in charge, and no matter what happened, I was really not in the doctor's care, but in God's. He and He alone, is our Healer, and no matter what happened whether I lived or died, it was His will. I asked Him to give my family, and myself peace. I asked him for favor, that I would do nothing, during this whole time, which would bring shame on His name. The following ten days were spent, mostly, in the Intensive Care Unit. The blood clotting seemed to be under control, but because of the blood thinners, I was bleeding profusely from my bladder. It was a three-way catheter that was installed at that time. They were constantly flushing the bladder with saline solution. They had done a number of x-rays, CAT scans, and ultrasounds. They had finally determined that there were no more blood clots in the leg, and that the pulmonary embolism seemed to be shrinking a bit. The doctors made a decision to take me off the blood thinners, and then to do another surgical procedure to cauterize the bleeding vessels in the bladder, and to shave down the prostate. The procedure lasted about two hours, and was successful. Again, I called for the elders to anoint me. I knew that God was in charge, and that everything would go exactly according to His plan, and there was no fear. I asked God for healing, and that I would do nothing to bring shame on His glorious name. The operation was successful, and the bleeding from the bladder stopped. After the surgery, an ultrasound showed that the clots had once again started to form in my legs, and so they put me back on blood thinners. They were not as concerned about the clots this time, because they could not pass through to my heart because of the venacava filter that had been installed. Within about a week, the doctors had determined that my condition was getting much better, and that I could probably go home soon. The catheter was removed, and the embolisms in my lungs were shrinking, and they did not seem to be as much of a problem as they were originally. Although they would form scar tissue, and be there the rest of my life, the doctors determined that the problems that they would cause would be minor. Then, a couple of days later, when I went to the washroom, the nurses who were monitoring my heart saw my heart rate jump over 200 beats a minute. They immediately got me back in bed, and the cardiologist was called. He decided that an angiogram needed to be done, to determine what was causing the heart rate to rise. Again, God is in charge, He is our Healer. Only He determines life and death, and I knew that it was all in His hands. When they did the test, it was determined that my veins, arteries and heart were just fine. But the venacava filter, that was supposed to keep me from the danger of blood clots, had moved, along with the clots, into the right ventricle of my heart. Open-heart surgery had to be done immediately. Again, God is in charge, and He will heal in His own time. I had absolutely no doubt about that. I was moved, by ambulance, to another hospital. The next day, the heart surgeon performed a four-hour operation, to remove the filter. While he was in there, he went into the lungs, and removed most of the embolisms that had been caused by the clotting. After about another two weeks, I was released from the hospital, and went home on September 10th to spend the next two months recovering. God even healed me enough, by the fall holy days that we were able to attend the Feast with all of you, and I was able to go back to work, on October 30th. Suddenly, on October 29th, on Sunday afternoon, when I was at my son's house watching a football game, my right leg started to tingle, as it does when part of the body feels like it seems to be falling asleep. As I stood up to shake it out, the feeling started traveling throughout my whole body. My body was seizing, and out of control. I thought that I was having a heart attack, and that I was going to die. But, even at that moment, I knew that God was in charge, and that all would be according to His plan and purpose. I told my son, "Call 911. I think this is the end." The next thing I knew, I was in the back of an ambulance, in front of his house, on the way to the emergency room. Again, I knew that God was in charge, and I asked one of my sons to immediately call for an anointed cloth. After a number of tests, it was determined that I have a brain tumor. It is a meningioma, right at the top of my head, pressing up against the main vein. It is about an inch and a half to two inches in size, and it is probably non-malignant, but it is causing swelling on the left side of the brain that controls the motor skills on the right side. They are usually very slow growing, but once they start to affect things, as this one is doing, they need to be removed. Removal can be complicated, as it could be soft, or it could be hard. It may be easy to suck out, or it may be in need of being chipped and picked away, a little at a time. It could take only a couple of hours, or up to nine hours, to remove it. There could be temporary paralysis, or it could be permanent. The surgeon could damage the main vein, that it is up against, and cause major bleeding, stroke, or even death. As I said, most likely it is not cancerous, but there is still the possibility that when they do the biopsy, it could come back showing cancer. To complicate matters, my blood is clotting more quickly than others, and for now, I am on blood thinners. They cannot operate while I am on thinners, because the surgery, of course, would cause extensive bleeding in the brain. Again, what happens if it starts to clot after the surgery? If they put another venacava filter in, and it breaks through again, like the last one did, there is a good possibility that it could go into my heart. With the trauma, my heart would not be able to take it. They have not scheduled the operation yet, because of the question of clotting. The hematologist wants to put the operation off, as long as possible. The neurosurgeon wants to get done as soon as possible, because the longer he waits, the more chance there is of greater difficulty and permanent damage. This whole brain tumor issue has been a very interesting thing. When I was in the hospital, for thirty-four days, going through the first round of all these health problems, I had absolutely no doubt that God was in charge, and that things would be according to His plan and purpose. I did spend quite a bit of time thinking about what was going on, and why God might be allowing it to happen. But, the complications came along fast and furious, and required immediate action, and I did not really have that much time to mull them over. I was fearless. Now God has given me a different situation, where I have plenty of time to think about the complications that could come, and I became fearful of the results.
God ranks being fearful right up there with the abominable, murderers, whoremongers, sorcerers and idolaters. Fearfulness will put us into the lake of fire, from which there is no return. The word "fearful" in Revelation 21 is Strong's number 1169, dilos, and it means dread or timid. By implication, it means faithless. To be timid, according to Webster's, means to be fearful, and not bold. To dread, means great fear or apprehension of danger or evil. If we say that we believe God's word, and His promises to us, how can we go through our lives, even in times of great trial, fearful and timid in the way that we approach them, dreading the outcome? We must put our money where our mouths are, and live our lives boldly, with great courage, in spite of what we see before us. This does not mean that we foolishly look in the face of danger and laugh. But, it does mean, that through our trials, we stand fast, and we faithfully learn the lesson that everything that God does, and allows to happen in our lives, is because of His love for us. As we grow through these trials, we learn that it is because of God's compassion and tender mercy towards us, leading us towards perfection. In the beginning of the book of Job, we saw Satan bring great calamity on Job and his family, even causing his family to be destroyed. Miserable things would fall to those who were in Job's tender care.
Satan knew human nature. "Skin for skin! Yes, all that a man has he will give for his life". According to Satan, a human being, faced with the cold hard facts of the destruction of his own life, or even the possibility of having difficult pain and sorrow, will turn on God's truth. But, we have two options here. We can both give into it, and become exceedingly fearful of what men can do. Or, the second option is what God expects of us: to stand in fear and awe of Him, trusting in Him, and His promises, to keep us protected. You know the end results of God's purpose for Job.
James talked about what God had accomplished with Job, and what we should see that He is accomplishing with us. The word 'end,' in that verse, means the 'end of a purpose.' God was showing Job, and us, through the trial that he went through, that no matter what God allows in our lives, it is perfecting us. It is bringing us closer to knowing His perfect love. His love is absolute compassion and tender mercy to those whom He holds in His hands. It is interesting that James speaks about 'compassion and tender mercy' as the absolute attribute of God. Then he immediately goes into using those two same characteristics, and how we should treat one another.
Our word to one another must be as sure as God's word is to us. In our joy and sorrow, we share a bond with one another and God, which will never be broken. The unceasing, fervent prayer, in compassion and tender mercy, makes us whole. Brethren, in the joy and in the sorrow in the trials, there is much more going on here than meets the eye. God is binding us together, with Him, and with each other. If we are fearful (without faith) that God is doing exactly what He needs to do with each of us individually, and as a group, then we will fail, and end up in the Lake of Fire. But, if we move forward, with great courage, we will be glorified, following the footsteps of our Elder Brother, as the born children of the Father. To be fearful will keep us out of the Kingdom of God, and could actually play a part in bringing down those around us.
God is telling us, right here, that even though the odds seem stacked against us, we must never be terrified at the possible outcome, because God will save us. As James said, about our relationship with each other: just as we lift one another up with our prayers of faith in God and His promises, and stir each other up continually by our personal courage, if we are fearful and fainthearted, we will cause our brothers to stumble as well. Our fearlessness is not only necessary for us to succeed, but it also shows our great love in encouraging each other. It is a circle, and the more that we go before our Father's throne, in fervent prayer, on one another's behalf, the more our brethren can be bold in the face of their trials. The more that we meet those trials, and trust God; the more we lift up our family. We show absolute devotion to God, His purpose, and each other by doing this.
Just as Paul told Timothy, we are being told the same thing. We have been set apart by God to live a life with tremendous courage, because God has given us that gift to fulfill His purpose. We are to live with a courageous spirit of love, walking through the door that was opened by our elder brother Jesus Christ. So, in our trials, we should know God well enough, through His Word, that we can walk boldly in power, love, and of a sound mind. Do we believe this? Do we understand how special we are to God, and that He will see us through these trials? He has every hair on our head counted. We have a great High Priest, who is now working to make sure that we are perfected, by the scary trials that may beset us. He has already blazed the trail before us.
I am currently reading a book, titled "Undaunted Courage," by the historian Stephen Ambrose. This book is about the courage of Lewis and Clark, as they went into un-chartered territory, and opened up the larger part of the United States that lay still unexplored, for those to follow behind them and build. Those that came after them faced tremendous hardships and danger, but they pushed on, fearlessly, because they had a better idea where they were going, because of those who had gone before them. We are quickly coming up on the Passover; it is slightly more than eight weeks away. We will be spending more time thinking about the painful trials that Jesus Christ went through on our behalf. As we come to this time, let us reflect on His undaunted courage, as He did what He did on our behalf, and make sure that we remember that we have a jobto walk as He walked. We know that Christ was exceedingly sad, in facing the great trials that lay before Him, in His torture and His execution. Of any man who ever lived, He knew better than anyone else what was going to happen to Him at the end of His life. He knew exactly what the scriptures said He would have to go through, and He would not back down. He lived fearlessly.
Who better than Christ knew the demons' pleasure at watching Him being crucified?
He had a lifetime to consider the brutal beating that He would take at the end of His life, and the physical and mental problems that He would go through. Yet, He went through them, all of His life, with undaunted courage.
Here, we can see just why He could have this boldness, and what it accomplished. Jesus Christ said, in John 12:27 "Now My soul is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour. "Father, glorify Your name." Then a voice came from heaven, saying, "I have both glorified it and will glorify it again." Brethren, for this cause have we come to the hour of our trials and troubles for the Father, to glorify His name. There is one more key element that we need to look at in becoming fearless. It is the reason that Jesus Christ could do what He did, with undaunted courage. Mark 4:2 Then He taught them many things by parables, and said to them in His teaching: We see here, that Christ had been teaching the great multitudes many things, through parables.
He told them what all of these things meant. The apostles, who had been called for a specific job, were not left hanging, but were given, clear instruction about God's plan and purpose, directly from Jesus Christ.
The word 'fearful,' in verse 40, is the same word used in Revelation 21. They became terrorized, in a time that Christ had expected them to have faith, and they did not. He expected them to understand what was going on here, that His Father was in charge of all that was going on, and all the work would be done. He expected them to know Him, His purpose, and their part in it, even at his point in their lives. But they did not, because they did not know God, and even vaguely understand His purpose. That lack of understanding actually made them terrified of Him, as they were in the storm. Verse 41, 'And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, "Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!' God has given us a gift, both in the life and death of Jesus Christ, in His blazing the trail before us. He has given the few of us, among many, the extraordinary privilege of coming directly before the throne of the Father, and to understand what He is doing. But, it is not a privilege without responsibility on our part. We must know Him, and His purpose, through every opportunity that God gives us to learn His ways. That includes, and maybe it is more importantly, through our trials. There is another interesting clue, in Christ's final hours of His life.
Christ asked them to watch and pray with Him, so that they, together, could be strengthened and encouraged, and face the terrorizing road ahead. The apostles failed to carry out their responsibility. They did not work as hard as they should, just as we do not, to understand the Father's plan and purpose. Even at the end, they did not seek the Father, as Christ did.
A lot of commentaries have said, that they think that this was Peter, himself.
Christ shows us the difference in our actions, if we really know God, or if we do not. It makes a big difference in how we act. John Ritenbaugh, in a sermon on the sovereignty of God, quoted Daniel 11:32, 'but the people who know their God shall be strong, and carry out great exploits'. "Know" indicates a close, warm and passionate intimacy, combined with head knowledge that produces the edge in a person's life. This enables us to trust God, and at the same time, to perceive what He is doing. It is the factor that makes God's Word authoritative to us. The trial that Nancy and I are going through is small compared to what many of you have gone through, are going through, or will go through. But, we are all in this together, with our Father and Jesus Christ. We cannot become fearful, but must have absolute faith that our Father knows exactly what He is doing, in perfect compassion and tender mercy, and He has given us the marvelous opportunity to glorify His holy and righteous name together. I am ending with the same scripture that John Reid did, in his preceding sermon. Always remember, what we are told in the last book of Hebrews, and be content with the things that you have. "For He Himself has said, "I will never, never, never leave you nor forsake you." ' So we may boldly say: "The LORD is my helper; I will not fear.' Stay strong, with undaunted courage.
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